A History of Scotland

I really wanted to like BBC Scotland’s new programme about the history of Scotland but, ultimately, I just couldn’t.

It was nothing to do with the content of the programme. I know a little about the wars of independence and I couldn’t take issue with anything that was actually said. I also learned some new things. I never knew, for instance, that Alexander II had led a Scottish army as far south as Dover and I wasn’t entirely aware of just how much of Scotland wasn’t actually part of Scotland in the 13th Century.

So it wasn’t the history that grated, but the way the programme was made. On the face of it Neil Oliver seemed like a good choice of presenter. Young, Scottish, knowledgeable and an experienced media professional he may be but he is no historian. Still, he’s an archaeologist, so perhaps I’m splitting hairs and he’s also really good at presenting ‘Coast’, so I can only assume that it’s the Director who is asking him to do things which are so irritating.

Firstly, can the man not stand still? Last nights episode featured numerous shots of Neil striding grimly through various medieval castles and abbeys. This added nothing to the narrative other than to see a modern, gloomy, hirsute Scot looking mean and moody. He also frequently displayed that well-known media trick of walking and talking at the same time. Perhaps this was intended to achieve the additional effect of letting the wind ripple through his more than adequate mane.

When he did stand still the camera appeared to be positioned at the end of his nose. In fact, it was so close at one stage that I could count the spots on his chin. Boy does he need a new moisturising regime. This trick, of hirsute Scots looking meanly and moodily at the camera, was repeated throughout the programme in the historical ‘re-enactments’. Except, they weren’t really re-enactments. They were beardies in old fashioned dress, standing in a tent doing nothing. Nothing, that is, except staring meanly and moodily at the camera. At least they were standing still.

Clearly, the Director wanted to get his moneys worth out of hiring a helicopter. Admittedly this was perhaps the most visually engaging part of the programme and it did certainly link Scotland’s history with its landscape. However, I’m not entirely convinced that this was what the Director intended and it did rather look as if shots of windswept moors were simply being used to pad out some of the narrative.

And what a narrative. Never, in the field of Scottish history, has so much narrative been delivered with such drama queen delivery. At times I wanted to scream “Speak normally” at the screen. The dramatic rise in tone toward the end of every cliché, and there were quite a few, belonged in something like Batman and not ‘A History of Scotland’.

As well as the verbal cliché’s there were more than a few visual ones: the tumbling clouds across maps, the crashing together of communion cups and if I see any more dripping blood then I fear I may have to open my own veins to be spared further punishment.

I could go on. In fact, I will. Last nights episode said that when the Earls of Caithness killed one of Alexander’s bishops he repaid them “in spades”. But they never actually said what he did! This was the scene where the falling cups were shown. What did he do? Did he spill his sherry? If you are going to tell a story then please tell the story.

Overall, if more effort had been made in telling the story rather than trying to cut a visual dash then so much more detail could have been incorporated. It’s the type of thing a professional historian Simon Schama did so much better. He delivered his script with grace and elegance, features notably absent from this jarring production.

If BBC Scotland really did spend £2m on this they really shouldn’t be trusted with licence payers money in future.